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There was once an update schedule. It lived a good life, a peaceful life. A quiet life. But then... things began to change. It became more and more erratic, sometimes completely disobeying its very reason for existance. And at last, the update schedule could take no more. It cast off its chains and went free, seeking new lands where it would be appreciated. This message it left where once it had lived, to warn other schedules of the peril.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Brandon Sanderson and His Epic Ability to Cheer Me Up

And, here we go- my favorite quotes from Words of Radiance (in script form; thank you TV Tropes):

Today's quote (to match my mood):
Okay, this is actually a script of the quote stolen from TV Tropes because I can't find the book or the actual quote, but it'll serve the purpose:
"Wit: Perhaps a story for a child. I will tell you one, to get you in the mood. A bunny rabbit and a chick went frolicking in the grass together on a sunny day. 
Kaladin: A chick...baby chicken? And a what? 
Wit: Ah, forgot myself for a moment. Sorry. Let me make it more appropriate for you. A piece of wet slime and a disgusting crab thing with seventeen legs slunk across the rocks together on an insufferably rainy day. Is that better? 
Kaladin: I suppose."
-Chances are no one will get it, not having been through 2,000 pages of Kal's personality. Let's just say that in context I was rolling on the floor.

Shallan: You want to burn. 
Stick: I am a stick. 
Shallan: Think of how much fun it would be? 
Stick: I am a stick.
-There's a t-shirt for this one. (HINT HINT, readers who never bought me a birthday present.)

Kaladin: You! 
Wit: Me! 
Kaladin: What are you doing here? 
Wit: Trying to find mischief. Have you been practicing with my flute? 
Kaladin: Uh... 
Wit: Don't tell me you left it in Sadeas's camp when you moved out. 
Kaladin: Well— 
Wit: I said not to tell me. You don't need to, since I already know. A shame. If you knew the history of that flute, it would make your brain flip upside-down. And by that, I mean that I would shove you off the carriage for having spied on me. 
Kaladin: Uh... 
Wit: Eloquent today, I see. 
[lots of important plot-relevant stuff, then the carriage stops and Adolin gets out] 
Adolin: You! 
Wit: Me! Ever at your service, Brightlord Kholin. 
Adolin: What did you do with my usual carriage driver? 
Wit: Nothing. 
Adolin: Wit— 
Wit: What, you're implying that I hurt the poor fellow? Does that sound like me, Adolin? 
Adolin: Well, no. 
Wit: Exactly. Besides, I'm certain he's gotten the ropes undone by now. Ah, and there's your lovely almost-but-not-quite bride. 
Shallan: You! 
Wit: Yes, yes. People certainly are good at identifying me today. Perhaps I need to wear— 
-No, no one's going to get this either, are they? Pity.

Kaladin: Does the king know you're back? 
Wit: Nope! I'm trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred chasmfiends marching in unison, singing an ode to my magnificence. 
Kaladin: That sounds...hard. 
Wit: Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation. 
Kaladin: I have no idea what you just said. 
Wit: Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation. 
-Or this one. Sad, because it's funny.

Okay, you probably found none of those funny. But they cheered me up, so they served their purpose. Go read the book (read Way of Kings first, though). It's an excellent one. Various scenes that I didn't include (because I couldn't find them in their fully glory) but that were also funny include the boots scene (if you've read the book you'll get it), the scene where the horse hunts grass, and Lift's interlude (someday I too will have magical powers that make me more awesome), the last Szeth scene (the sword one), and the last scene in the book.
Wow, that was a nonsensical post. Go read everything Brandon Sanderson ever wrote, okay? The good books will be worth the rest.

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