Update Schedule

There was once an update schedule. It lived a good life, a peaceful life. A quiet life. But then... things began to change. It became more and more erratic, sometimes completely disobeying its very reason for existance. And at last, the update schedule could take no more. It cast off its chains and went free, seeking new lands where it would be appreciated. This message it left where once it had lived, to warn other schedules of the peril.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Why is there such a thing as a word count?

I made the mistake of googling what my word count should be. I was aiming for 85,000 or so, because it's a YA novel.
Except it's a YA Fantasy/ Science Fiction novel. Which brings the target word count up to a mind-blowing 120,000 words or so. Maybe that doesn't sound like so much. Probably every other writer has written many 100,000+ word novels before. But here's the thing: I'm at 75,000 words, and this is the longest thing I have ever written.
Don't even mention the word novella.
I'm already terrified at the idea of actually sitting down and seriously editing this. I'm having doubts as to whether anyone will ever want to read it. My plot is probably awful. And now I have to write 35,000 words more than I thought I would have to. My plot should stretch that far. It really should.
But what if it doesn't?
Day _ of editing, and all sanity and hope are gone.
75,000 words.
50,000 to go.
Then editing.
Suddenly I feel as though I've only just written the first word, I've achieved so little when I consider everything that I'll need to do before there's even a chance I could try to get it published.

Oh, and it's back to Wheel of Time, which combined with serious writing and sleep is making being able to write another review soon seem highly unlikely. Which has not improved my mood.

Thank you for sitting through my grumpy ranting.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Is it really that hard to read it over?

If anyone could tell me who edited Wheel of Time, that would be great. Because I might just call them up and give them a piece of my mind.
Yes, it is hundreds of thousands of words long- and not just that, there are fourteen of them, and the author had the nerve to die in the middle. All of which might excuse some sloppy writing, because you can't catch it all.
But there are entire paragraphs, entire chapters, which don't seem to have have been glanced at before publication. Missing words, his own character and place names mispelled, too many typos to count... how was none of this caught? My usual theory when I can't understand how something was published is "they won"- whether or not I think their story is a tragic waste of trees, obviously enough people disagreed with me that my opinion on that point doesn't matter. But things like this are just inexcusable. I'm on book six now, and it's getting worse, not better. Just because a book is long shouldn't mean that it's full of typos. If I'm reading the thing all the way through and noticing if not all then at least more than the editor apparently did, then someone- or several someones- should have done the same before it was published.
I can forgive the sloppy writing, because the truth is I'm actually very much enjoying the books, and the man does have his moments of brilliance, as rare as they are. Glancing at the page I'm on... yeah, I probably wouldn't accept any of this from a different author. Oh, well, never claimed I was fair. This is how he writes, and I've accepted that because in this situation it works.
But the typos, missing words, and just plain mispellings are unforgivable. I still haven't forgotten about the people giving their "mite" to the Great Lord. And that's in the prologue. Admittedly it's a fifty page prologue, but surely at some point someone glanced through and suggested that perhaps the Great Lord of the Dark was not being greatly helped by being given small parasites? Except that apparently they didn't. Which I find ridiculous.
And yes, I could have been editing my story all through writing that long rant. Procrastination is part of writing. Everyone does it.
Thanks for reading.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Just sitting here watching my word count dwindle away...

I thought I was ready. I was up to 73,000- surely I could edit and still have a good 65,000 or so left, right? The rest of the book would give me another 20,000, I was sure. Everything would turn out just fine. The word loss was worth it to fix the plot issues.
But... I'm only on page 30 or so, and I'm already down 3,000 words or so. If that keeps up, I'm going to lose maybe 20,000 (according to my bad calculations) words before I'm done. And that's a really terrifying number after I spent so long to get up to this amount, and when I'm not sure I have more than that in the part I haven't written yet.
It needs to be done. I can't deny that. Those words need to go. I knew that when I made the decision to cut characters or change the plot. But I didn't realize just how deeply it went. I thought I was almost done with what might concievably be a first draft, and now I'm seeing it all just vanish. And what little I can add in isn't even making a dent. I've just barely managed to keep it up to 70,000. I can't keep writing until I've fixed things or I'll just have to change that too because I don't have a clear idea of what's going to happen and which characters actually exist.
This is already draft 2. The first one I actually finished, and it was about 42,000 words (although I've just discovered I may only have the first 500 words or so... which is really not good, since it's probably my biggest accomplishment so far. If I lost it, that's years worth of effort just gone). I made the decision to rewrite it without using any of the original draft, because I thought the basic idea was salvageable. I never dreamed that my fantasy novel would turn into a weird government conspiracy theory sci-fi novel. And, to be honest, I am less than thrilled about these changes... but I've come too far to turn back now.
I looked at the original and the rewrite, and things have changed so much. The original first line was "Adam tightened his grip on the hilt of his sword as he stared down at the cave entrance." The new one is "This is the day when we achieve something that scientists have dreamed of for centuries."  Things have changed so much, and what if it's not for the better? How can I make it readable if I can't even make the first line something I don't wince at when I see it?
Maybe it's just the stress of editing and the fear that when I'm done I'll have nothing left, but I kind of feel that maybe it wasn't salvageable. Maybe the plot was worthless in the first place, and everything I did to it just made it worse. I thought I was fixing things, making everything made sense, but what if I just made it all ridiculous? What if the writing is just bad instead of simply in need of editing and polishing? What if I've done all of this for nothing, because no one will ever want to read it or enjoy it if they do?
I've lost track of which day of editing this is, but my motivation is getting dangerously low. I need to regain faith in my novel somehow, but I don't know how to do it. I want this to work. I want to finish it, and I want to edit it, and I want to publish it. I want people to read it, and I want them to love it.
But I can't stop thinking: what if they don't?
And every time I change the cover to show a lower word count, the doubts grow. I'm no longer sure I can get through this, and I've just barely started.
If anyone has any advice for getting through editing/finishing, I'd really appreciate it.


On a happier note, my Queen of the Tearling review seems to have been quite popular. I just wanted to thank all of my readers (who apparently exist). Watching the view count go up every time I allowed myself a break was the bright spot in deleting those 3,000 words.
Also, I'd like to thank everyone who failed to support me in my writing of the first draft. Perhaps it's for the best if I lost it, considering the state of those first 500 words.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Review of The Queen of the Tearling

Image result for the queen of the tearling

The Queen of the Tearling is possibly the longest book I've ever read, in terms of things that happened as compared to length of book in which they took to happen. I'll construct a handy plot overview for you (based on memory; it may not be entirely in order). Feel free to skip to the end of it after you've gotten the general idea. Here goes:
Kelsea is picked up from the cottage.
Kelsea rides.
Kelsea camps.
Kelsea travels some more (riding, of course).
Assassins come.
The idiotic love interest happens.
Kelsea travels (still on her horse).
Kelsea arrives.
Kelsea commits idiotic acts of war.
Javel fails to be interesting.
Assassins come.
Thomas whines.
The idiotic love interest has a POV for some reason I still haven't figured out.
The Red Queen rapes some people.
Kelsea has some vision/ dream things.
Thomas whines some more.
Javel not only fails to be interesting, but fails to interest even the other characters in the novel.
The Red queen rapes some more people.
Kelsea insults Lady Andrew's hair.
Kelsea has more vision/dream things.
Kelsea insults Lady Andrew's hair again.
Assassins come.
Thomas whines yet more.
The idiotic love interest happens AGAIN.
Kelsea has yet more vision/ dream things.
Kelsea travels.
Javel has a cute story about his wife.
Kelsea's still traveling.
Javel might do something almost decent... nah, he's too tired. Maybe tomorrow.
Hasn't Kelsea's horse collapsed of exhaustion yet?
Everything's on fire. Except the idiotic love interest... more's the pity.
The Red Queen sacrifices some children. Should she attack Kelsea? Nope, plot convenience advises against it. Oh, well, back to raping people.
Kelsea changes her name.
The idiotic love interest gives her a present- you guessed it! A head on a stick! How romantic.
Kelsea gives a really bad speech.
The book ends. I was so bored by this point that I don't remember how. Nothing interesting.
Doesn't that sound like something you want to read? No? Well, I not only had to read that plot overview, I had to wade through the book to write it. It was almost as fun as it sounds.
There were moments where the writing was okay, and the beginning was promising, but the book never went anywhere. Bad world-building- some dude named William Tear took people on ships to a random continent that just sort of appeared. Everything sciencey died, except for indoor plumbing, for some reason no one understands. Luckily, we still have Harry Potter, so all is not lost. That is the extent of the worldbuilding. I'm not kidding. Oh, and there's magic. Because it was totally necessary for the plot (actually, it wasn't, so I'm still lost on why there's magic and where it came from).
Kelsea is a jerk who spends her spare time insulting Lady Andrew's hair. Oh, and stealing her stuff. But that's okay, because her hair's ugly and she's old anyway. The Fetch (more commonly known as idiotic love interest in this blog) is some weird thief/ assassin with a secret past who just sort of floats around not being at all awesome, whatever the author seems to think. Javel is kind of okay but mostly just boring, since he doesn't do anything interesting aside from tell the one cute story about him and his wife. The Red Queen (or the Mort Queen, if you prefer) appears to be a bad ripoff of the evil queen from the Obsidian Trilogy, but so watered down that she's even more ridiculous than Queen Savilla (who at least was ridiculously overdone in style). Everyone else just hovers around the edges, sometimes popping up to be killed or disobey yet another of Kelsea's orders (sure, she's the queen... wait, that means we have to listen to her? seems to be their main attitude).
So, yeah, basically it was awful. I don't recommend it at all. The entire book should have taken maybe a hundred pages, not more than 400.
Thanks for reading.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Very Quick Post on Someone Else's Computer

It's been a week since I last posted. Unfortunately, my laptop is in for repairs, so it might be a few more days before I do a real post. I have a review to write (spoiler: do not read The Queen of the Tearling) and several writing ones, so hopefully those will come soon. Sorry it's been so long, and thanks for reading!

Sunday, December 14, 2014


Apologies for the formatting, it won't let me change it. Something is deeply wrong with Blogger and I don't know what it is. I hope to find out and fix it soon.

Today I was glancing through my Goodreads feed, and there was a thread someone had started which was labeled *spoiler alert* or something like that- but followed immediately by the spoiler, in the title where no one could avoid it. Not only that, but they'd posted it in the wrong book of the series's discussion thread, so I opened it to ask the person to change the title, and was bombarded with spoilers for the next book in the series, which I haven't read yet. And now, thanks to this person, probably never will.
There is little I dislike more than spoilers. My sister always reads Wikipedia to find out what happened, and then when we're watching something or I'm reading something, is always telling me spoilers for whatever it is. It really just ruins things.Why read the book if not to find out what happens next?
So, for all of those people out there like my sister: even if you want to know, please don't ruin it for everyone else. For those idiots out there like the person on Goodreads... I honestly have nothing to say. It is the most insensitive and rude thing I have ever come across on the internet- and that might make me sound sheltered, but it's true. It showed such a blatant disregard for other people. It was mind-blowing. Most horrible things on the internet are support for one group against another. This was just someone saying "I don't care, so I'm going to ruin something you were enjoying for my own petty amusement".
So, there's the rant of the day. It was going to be about the book I was reading, but I guess that'll have to wait for tomorrow (or the review).

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Day Three of Editing: Hanging in There

Can I ask you a very important question? Well, you can't really stop me, can you? So here goes:
What is wrong with Kelsea?
Has there been a single male character that she hasn't found attractive aside from her adoptive father? What's with her and the Fetch? He kidnapped you, Kelsea. You knew him for a day. He's probably twenty years older than you. You should be thanking your lucky stars or whatever it is you do in your weird Dystopian Fantasy universe that you're not his type. You don't want to be his type. It's not a betrayal to try to capture him, it's something that will do great good for your kingdom by getting rid of a criminal. You know he's evil, right? For some reason all the poor people like him (don't know why, it specifically says that he doesn't give them the stuff he steals), but for the good of your country, kill him. You're not in love, you're just stupid.
Also, what are you doing with that sword? Put it down and go kill the Fetch instead. Start a war on your first day of queenship, Kelsea, there's the spirit. Do you know what a treaty is? It's a legally binding document. When you have one with a country that could crush you without noticing, you don't break it. Because if you do, you shortly won't even have a country. So please, go build new cages and apologize to the Red Queen or whatever it is her name is and send her her tribute, because if not then even more people will die.
Speaking of which, what's wrong with her? She's like those demons from the Mercedes Lackey/ James Mallory series, except on steroids. At least they didn't kill people for snoring. Satanic rituals= good reason for book character to kill someone. Snoring= weird hatred of snoring people by the author.

All of that means something very important: I'm reading a book. Well, an ebook, but it counts. I present to you The Queen of the Tearling, which I hope to mock in even greater detail later on. For now, just wince at the cover and know that the book deserves it.
Front Cover

Oh, and editing. Well, it's going okay. I'm going steadily insane, but that was only to be expected.
Editing comment of the day that proves this is literally driving me crazy:
Me: Does Adam have a split personality or something? Why does he talk to himself in the second person?
Me (in response): Because you do.
You can just see the sanity oozing out of that one.
It's actually kind of fun, though. Painful to read the old stuff, and I haven't actually gotten anywhere, but it is cool to see it kind of almost begin to sort of come together.

And that's all for today, please enjoy this convoluted blog post.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Brandon Sanderson and His Epic Ability to Cheer Me Up

And, here we go- my favorite quotes from Words of Radiance (in script form; thank you TV Tropes):

Today's quote (to match my mood):
Okay, this is actually a script of the quote stolen from TV Tropes because I can't find the book or the actual quote, but it'll serve the purpose:
"Wit: Perhaps a story for a child. I will tell you one, to get you in the mood. A bunny rabbit and a chick went frolicking in the grass together on a sunny day. 
Kaladin: A chick...baby chicken? And a what? 
Wit: Ah, forgot myself for a moment. Sorry. Let me make it more appropriate for you. A piece of wet slime and a disgusting crab thing with seventeen legs slunk across the rocks together on an insufferably rainy day. Is that better? 
Kaladin: I suppose."
-Chances are no one will get it, not having been through 2,000 pages of Kal's personality. Let's just say that in context I was rolling on the floor.

Shallan: You want to burn. 
Stick: I am a stick. 
Shallan: Think of how much fun it would be? 
Stick: I am a stick.
-There's a t-shirt for this one. (HINT HINT, readers who never bought me a birthday present.)

Kaladin: You! 
Wit: Me! 
Kaladin: What are you doing here? 
Wit: Trying to find mischief. Have you been practicing with my flute? 
Kaladin: Uh... 
Wit: Don't tell me you left it in Sadeas's camp when you moved out. 
Kaladin: Well— 
Wit: I said not to tell me. You don't need to, since I already know. A shame. If you knew the history of that flute, it would make your brain flip upside-down. And by that, I mean that I would shove you off the carriage for having spied on me. 
Kaladin: Uh... 
Wit: Eloquent today, I see. 
[lots of important plot-relevant stuff, then the carriage stops and Adolin gets out] 
Adolin: You! 
Wit: Me! Ever at your service, Brightlord Kholin. 
Adolin: What did you do with my usual carriage driver? 
Wit: Nothing. 
Adolin: Wit— 
Wit: What, you're implying that I hurt the poor fellow? Does that sound like me, Adolin? 
Adolin: Well, no. 
Wit: Exactly. Besides, I'm certain he's gotten the ropes undone by now. Ah, and there's your lovely almost-but-not-quite bride. 
Shallan: You! 
Wit: Yes, yes. People certainly are good at identifying me today. Perhaps I need to wear— 
-No, no one's going to get this either, are they? Pity.

Kaladin: Does the king know you're back? 
Wit: Nope! I'm trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred chasmfiends marching in unison, singing an ode to my magnificence. 
Kaladin: That sounds...hard. 
Wit: Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation. 
Kaladin: I have no idea what you just said. 
Wit: Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation. 
-Or this one. Sad, because it's funny.

Okay, you probably found none of those funny. But they cheered me up, so they served their purpose. Go read the book (read Way of Kings first, though). It's an excellent one. Various scenes that I didn't include (because I couldn't find them in their fully glory) but that were also funny include the boots scene (if you've read the book you'll get it), the scene where the horse hunts grass, and Lift's interlude (someday I too will have magical powers that make me more awesome), the last Szeth scene (the sword one), and the last scene in the book.
Wow, that was a nonsensical post. Go read everything Brandon Sanderson ever wrote, okay? The good books will be worth the rest.

Day One of Editing: Still Sane

Word count: 63,200 (about)
Plot: About 3/5 of the way through. It's hard to tell at this stage.
Pages commented on: 8-10
Pages actually edited: 0 (some minor corrections)
Plotting done: Very little.
Sanity level: Medium to high.

Yes, I still have 20,000+ words to go, but it's such a mess that I really need to at least begin the commenting process while I continue it.

It's weird, but it's actually pretty relaxing, commenting on it (then again, this is a very early stage, not even really serious editing yet). Lately, I've kind of been going insane. Okay, not as in a psychosis (I hope) but it kind of feels that way.
When I was younger, I narrated everything I did in third person in my head (except when I forgot while talking and finished sentences with "she said", earning myself a lot of weird looks). It's been going away lately- in first person present-tense if at all, and usually don't happen. Except that the past week or so... it's back. I don't know why it's suddenly resurfaced years later, but it has, and it makes me feel completely out of control even in my own brain. My thoughts aren't even under my control anymore. It's terrifying.
To add to this, my panic attacks are getting worse. The only thing that I've found to really help is going outside, but in school that's not really so possible every five minutes. It's not a good situation for my mental health, and I've been retreating into TV watching to try to maintain some sanity, which is also really bad.
This isn't usally about my personal life. But I need to rant.
I've talked before about the world's opinion that I have no hobbies. Well, it's spreading- and this time it's the theory that I hate all music.
At the beginning of the year, someone asked me if I'd liked a song, and before I could answer, someone I don't really know said "oh, she doesn't like music". First of all, she had no right to enter the conversation in the first place, especially since we're not exactly friends and have never actually spoken to each other when not absolutely necessary. Second, she's wrong.
Today, my best friend pretty much said the same thing. It's starting to really annoy me. Yes, I dislike most pop music. I just do. But that doesn't mean I don't like music at all. I like a lot of Broadway soundtracks. I like a lot of classical music. I like a lot of Disney music (leave me alone, it's totally normal). And okay, I don't really listen to music while people are watching me, but that's because I don't like walking around while wearing headphones, not because I don't like music. People don't have the right to assume that kind of thing about me, and it really annoys me when they do.
And people do that a lot. When I talk about performing arts programs with my friends, they always assume I'm not interested. I like music, I like singing (although no one likes to hear me sing). I love drama. I even like dancing (although I'm not the slightest bit interested in doing it except for fun by myself in a locked room)! Why do people just assume these things about me?
So, yeah, there's my rant of the day. Today was a really bad day, and I needed a medium for ranting, and this blog was it, so I hope you enjoyed my rant.

Oh, and I've recieved inquiries about where the quote from the last post came from. It's from Shadow of the Giant (Orson Scott Card). Page 108, I think, although I might be making that number up.

I was going to use some depressing book quotes to match my mood, but they cheered me up. Now I need a new post to fit all of them...


Monday, December 8, 2014

Grammar, Editing, and Other General Writing Woes

"Who are you writing to?"
"Whom. You foreigners are wrecking the English language."
"I'm not speaking English. I'm speaking Common. There's no 'whom' in Common."
-My excuse for never using the word whom (correctly, at least). Thank you, OSC.

It's funny- if you ask most people, they'll probably tell you I'm pretty good with grammar. I get freaked out over the tiniest mistakes, I always write emails and even texts with proper capitalization, spelling, and grammar, and I generally try not to abuse the English language (those same people would have a hard time talking about my grammar in other languages without falling over laughing). But when I'm writing, everything I know about grammar goes out the window.
I made a stupid plot decision a few months ago- I wanted to show one of my characters as not being seen as human, so I decided to use "it" as main pronoun for him. Now, not only did this mean I had to use different pronouns in different POVs (as well as slowly change everyone else over to different ones), but it got me into a whole new range of grammar issues. I make the its/it's mistake at least ten times daily, and I'm sure there are a lot more that I haven't caught. Editing is going to be a nightmare.
It's not that I'm bad at using correct grammar, because the truth is, I'm not. I'm on pretty solid ground when writing papers or emails or anything that doesn't involve trying to write a novel. Sentence structure trips me up when I'm writing, dialogue rules are a complete mess, and in between it all I'm trying to construct something that I hope other people will someday want to read, meaning my sentences have to sound good well as make sense.
Right now, while I'm still desperately struggling to create something that might be almost, but not entirely unlike a first draft (sorry, couldn't resist- that reminds me, I need to bring that book in for someone tomorrow) the grammar mistakes don't worry me so much. What does worry me is the monumentous task ahead if I finish- editing the thing. My plot makes no sense. Characters pop in and out of existence as I see fit. I had a mental breakdown earlier today because Adam simply would not leave the building and the scene was stalling and he wouldn't listen to me (think I'm crazy? Read Stephanie Meyer's blog. I've got nothing on here about this) whatever I did. But all that... well, it's fixable. I can always find workarounds for plot, and I knew this was going to happen when I started writing the thing.
But what's got me worried is the grammar and the writing. I know that I can fix the plot, I can fix the characters, and I can probably even make it as long or as short as necessary. But what I can't do is make myself into a more talented writer. I can't fix my inability to write grammatically correct dialogue, or my terrible descriptions. Someday, I want to put my (metaphorical, who has the time or the physical ability to do that?) pen down and say "I'm written a novel". I want to be finished. Not now, but I do want that to happen. And I'm honestly not sure I'm good enough to make that happen.


Postscript: I never edit my blog posts, so you can see what I'm talking about with the clumsy writing...
Postpostscript: Gas? I misspelled good so badly that autocorrect couldn't save me and it turned into gas? Well, then. I am an amazing typist.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Review: The Fires of Heaven

The Fires of Heaven
The Fires of Heaven by Robert Jordan

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I was all set to give it 3 for sheer enjoyment.
But... what happened? You killed him off, brought him back, and then KILLED HIM AGAIN just a chapter or two later? He was the only remaining likable character (which is pretty sad, considering he's supposed to be evil). All of my motivation to go on to the next book is just trickling away. I LIKED him.
Writing has improved a bit, but the lack of editing is painfully obvious. There's a 2-3 page section in which pretty much every sentence contains a typo- Carhein and Brigitte are the two that come to mind, and both should have been caught easily if someone had bothered to read it through before publishing. There were a lot of other obvious ones as well as many missing words all throughout the book. Robert Jordan isn't bad; he's simply unedited, and for what I'm pretty sure is close to a first draft, I'd say it's pretty good.
The plot was okay. There wasn't really so much of an overarching one (except for the Couladin thing, but that kind of felt like an afterthought). People moved around. The ending was pretty much the same as the Asmodean (WHY, Robert Jordan, WHY? I liked him!) ending (book three, I think?) but that was to be expected. You know, same old "broken seal chasing Forsaken through multiple worlds" kind of thing. Nynaeve did get a role this time, which was nice- Rand definitely needs to be saved by a girl every so often in order to keep his arrogance down. His sexism is beginning to vanish as well (thank you, Sulin or whatever your name was), which is nice.
I wrote a whole rant on Robert Jordan's treatment of female characters on my blog: http://threestarslimit.blogspot.com/2014/12/wheel-of-time-bane-of-my-existence.html
On to the next one. :)

View all my reviews

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Wheel of Time- the bane of my existence. To be honest, I like it. I mean, it's not exactly awesome, but it makes me happy to read it (even when it drives me crazy). I like the plot, I don't mind the writing, and there's a lot of it.
But one thing has been really getting to me: Robert Jordan is under the impression that he can write female characters. And, to be honest, he's not usually all that far off. But it is all too obvious that he's a man, and one who should really know better than to do the following:
1) Have women run around naked. I don't mean all the time, I mean literally run laps naked. Do you know why girls wear bras? It's not actually because of fashion. It's because it is incredibly painful to walk around otherwise, let alone run laps.
2) Talk about how skirts feel. If a woman has hips, something tight is not going to fall around her ankles in a puddle. This should really be common sense. Also, coats do not feel like short dresses. That's just absurd.
3) Assume that mens's clothing is inherently more comfortable. Yes, I like my sweatpants as much as anyone. But I also don't think they're necessarily more comfortable, except when you're sleeping (skirts are hard to arrange when lying down). Loose skirts are, if anything, more comfortable.
4) Have all of his female characters be incredibly attractive and have no self-esteem issues. I assure you, if I were wearing a tight dress with a low neckline, my concerns would not lie in the direction of all the guys staring at me and professing true love. I'd be worried about how horrible I looked.
5) Speaking of low necklines, men are not welcome to rant against them. Guess what, men? It's absolutely disgusting that you walk around shirtless. As Nynaeve says (paraphrased) it's only common sense- it's to show off their muscles. Because, you know, it's completely innapropriate for a woman to show off her breasts or legs, but men can walk around half-naked. Birgitte's right. You shouldn't be shy of being a woman. Sincerely, someone who wears skirts to her ankles, sleeves to her wrists, and collars to her neck every single day.
6) Women are actually capable of respecting men as equals. I know, it's hard to grasp, but we're not actually under the impression that all men are idiots. Fun fact: sexism can go both ways. The true fighter for equal gender rights does not believe in feminism. S/he believes in equality.
7)  It is possible for a woman to both want to fight and want to wear dresses. Just like all of your fancy battle lords fight. Min does not actually need boys's clothing in order to be bloodthirsty.
8) You're not getting anywhere with me by having the women split off into their own little band- except wait! What about their twenty male defenders they can't do without? Yes, they're helpless and need guards... but come on, let's see more Birgittes and less Juilins.
9) Did Robert Jordan predict Matt Smith or something? What is with Nynaeve and that stupid fez? Why does she keep insulting it? Does he think women do nothing but insult men in every way possible? If Juilin wants a fez, it is none of Nynaeve's business. Sure, she can make fun of it, but she shouldn't be constantly thinking about it every time she sees him. Isn't she used to the thing by now? Not all woman are idiots obsessed with clothing!
10) Where do I begin? I know nothing about fashion. I freely admit it. But really... not everyone can wear every color. Red hair with a red dress? Red hair with a yellow dress? I just can't see it. It's a bad idea. Especially when it's the same person in every color you could possibly imagine.
11) Bows are not women's weapons. Well, they are, but not exclusively. Let's see some more sword-wielding females around here, please.
12) Rand... it's actually Aviendha's decision whether or not she wants to marry you. Also, stop bugging her about the necklace. You're not engaged to her, remember? Also, I'm pretty sure Egwene gave it to her, so your fits of jealousy are just sickening.
13) Lini, I'm glad you're an active little old lady, but please, just go back to bed. You're going to drop dead of old age any second. Not every female has to be crazy. Why can no one strike a balance between ridiculously active and wimpy?

13 seems like a pretty good number, although I'm sure I could go on. I'd love to know what annoys you about characterization in books, so please comment.