Update Schedule

There was once an update schedule. It lived a good life, a peaceful life. A quiet life. But then... things began to change. It became more and more erratic, sometimes completely disobeying its very reason for existance. And at last, the update schedule could take no more. It cast off its chains and went free, seeking new lands where it would be appreciated. This message it left where once it had lived, to warn other schedules of the peril.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Review: We Should Hang Out Sometime: Embarrassingly, a True Story

We Should Hang Out Sometime: Embarrassingly, a True Story We Should Hang Out Sometime: Embarrassingly, a True Story by Josh Sundquist
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Cute. Especially since I knew how it ended (in real life, not in the book). I was disappointed by a few of the non-climactic endings (I wish he'd been able to work Francesca's letter in) but it was deep, meaningful, sweet, and well-written.

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Review: Beautiful Creatures

Beautiful Creatures Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Okay. I don't like how the main character was constantly insulting and objectifying women- just because girls don't want to dress revealingly doesn't mean their dresses are ugly and you need to write a several page rant about it. Also, he's sixteen and she's fifteen- yep, true love right there, clearly. Definitely time to worry about whether they can get married! And the fact that he's constantly saying he couldn't bear not to touch her... creep. How about you would die if you couldn't TALK to her, or something else actually romantic and showing that you care about her (especially considering that he not only could but DOES die when he kisses her). The ending sucked.
This book was also impaired by being written by two authors. There were several times when two scenes just didn't mesh. Better editing could have fixed it, though.

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Review: A Rogue by Any Other Name

A Rogue by Any Other Name A Rogue by Any Other Name by Sarah MacLean
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Meh.

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Review: Shopaholic to the Stars

Shopaholic to the Stars Shopaholic to the Stars by Sophie Kinsella
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Can't wait for the next one!

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Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Review: Reawakened

Reawakened Reawakened by Colleen Houck
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I was going to write a long rant about how inaccurate the Egyptian bits are, but the truth is a lot of other people already have and I don't feel like doing the research, so let me recommend some of the other reviews on this book if you're interested.

As I said to a friend, this book seems to have been written while drunk and reading the Kane Chronicles, after an overdose of the worse parts of Twilight and far too many Magic Tree House books. No one cares, Mrs. Houck. We've seen it before, and they did it better. Also, your poetry sucks (I read it, unlike everyone else. They made the smart decision.)

The book goes like this:
Lilliana is rich. Very rich. Also, she lives in a hotel in Manhattan, but she doesn't think that residence is really home. She's too rich to deal with all the problems that come with being rich. Like getting into all the colleges she applied to and getting to go to whichever one she pleases- too much effort to decide. So she goes to the Met, where she can relax into her natural element of ordering around museum guards who can't say no because her parents are too rich.
After bullying some museum guards (and stalking a few people before reporting them to the museum guards for getting quietly teary about the beauty of the art), Lilliana gets permission to go into a closed off wing. Ignoring the priceless relics around her, she gets down to important business- deciding which college is fanciest and therefore most desirable based on their pamphlets. Unfortunately, there are a few minor distractions and she can't concentrate.
Luckily, it turns out to be a mostly naked hot guy (rather than a squirrel as Lilliana so cleverly assumed; it's a well-known fact that the two species are closely related.) He doesn't speak English, which just makes him hotter. And he's bald, which is a big plus. Lilliana decides immediately that he's a mentally ill homeless person and reacts appropriately by pepper-spraying him and going out to lunch without telling the guards about him.
During lunch, Lilliana is unfortunately interrupted from insulting some perfectly nice girls she's made no attempt to get to know by said bald hot guy getting hit by a car. In an act that could almost be misconstrued as that of a decent human being, she rushes out to help. Luckily, bald hot guy heals himself magically and proceeds to hypnotize and stalk her.
Quite a bit of abuse later, bald hot guy kidnaps her and takes her to Egypt. He then proceeds to stuff pastries down her throat (especially whenever she tries to eat a balanced, healthy meal) when not distracted by legions of attractive women throwing themselves at his feet. Hot guy (he's grown some hair) then goes on a boring quest involving several badly thought out booby traps and a grand vizier (who's not Jafar and so no one cares). He also spends some time adding highlights to Lilliana's hair, and they- well, she- decide(s) that they're in love.
Lots more boring stuff happens. Hot guy has two (bald and then not) hot brothers. They all turn into birds, which apparently have magically strengthened spines because they can carry two passengers without a problem. Moby Worm makes a far-too-long cameo. Anubis is the only person to have any common sense. The ending, however, ruins it.
Everyone reading the book throws it down in disgust and decides they don't even care what just happened.
The end.

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Thursday, September 17, 2015

Review: The Gunslinger

The Gunslinger The Gunslinger by Stephen King
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Meh. I think Stephen King- much as he loves to deny it- would really have benefited from an outline here.
Also, I know he did finish the series, but his afterword basically says "no, I don't know what just happened either, I probably won't finish this, and I don't really care." Not inspiring me to read the next one, especially since I've heard that the series' ending is bad.
I really liked 'Salem's Lot, but I think I should have left my Stephen King reading at that.

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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Review: Proxy

Proxy Proxy by Alex London
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Not bad writing. Absurd plot. Weird characters. Predictable ending. Also, I don't know why everyone's recommending this for gay people... so the main character's a black gay guy. That doesn't actually matter in the book.

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Review: The Young Elites

The Young Elites The Young Elites by Marie Lu
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Too many POVs, but the ending was really good.
I also like Teren; he was a well-done character. I hope he gets more screentime in the sequel.

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Review: Peace Like a River

Peace Like a River Peace Like a River by Leif Enger
My rating: 3 of 5 stars



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Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Review: The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Why does Douglas Adams always lure me in with a great first book and then the second isn't quite as good with a lot more swearing? This was okay. Not as funny as the first, and weirdly serious (something I never thought to see from Douglas Adams) toward the end.

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Review: A Darker Shade of Magic

A Darker Shade of Magic A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I really liked it in the beginning, but by the end of the book it was more of a meh. Somewhere along the way it just lost something.

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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Review: A School for Unusual Girls

A School for Unusual Girls A School for Unusual Girls by Kathleen Baldwin
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Much fun. I'm not a big fan of alternate history so this is where this series and I part, but although we shan't meet again it was nice to spend a few hours together.

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